[ Watashi ]

[ Tomodachi ]

[ Saint Seiya ]

[ Clamp ]

[ Fanfiction ]

The flow of glistening black embraced griffin. Gently it enfolded us as we glided down the bright eddy that was Achernar. There was no savage jolt as we crossed the Curtain into normal space, no disturbance at all. The Deep's arms closed around Griffin and I, careful, protective, and guided us safely through before releasing us.

Out Fall.

I closed my eyes and refused the reflex to reach out to Fi. She wasn't there, I knew that, but something deep inside me had yet to accept it. No endorphins boost rushed through my system to dull the stark, naked sensation of lack and relieve me of the stress and exhaustion of sailing the Deep. I could manage without the drugs, Shane's apparently useless teachings had given me that at least, but it wasn't easy. Every inch of my body felt the strain, even thought this has been a particularly peaceful, gentle Dive--as had been all the others since I had left Earth.

As if the Deep itself had reached out to me, touched me--and cared.

"Griffin."

The familiar face of Nakamura Tomoko popped up on the viewscreen, even as the comm-unit flashed to warn me of an incoming transmission from Achernar station. "Stationmaster," I bowed at her.

Bowing back, she said, "Be welcome back at Achernar, Griffin. Be very welcome indeed." For a moment she paused, and she seemed to search my face for something before eventually heaving out an almost inaudible sigh. "We've detected no other Out Fall on our side of the Curtain," she said, her voice carefully devoid of emotion, "nor were we warned of any other incoming ship."

No, she hadn't been. "There won't be another, stationmaster. I only need a single berth for Griffin."

She blinked at that, and then nodded. "I heard you." Darting a glance toward one of the many screens adorning the walls of Achernar's ops, she said, "Berth theta will be made available, on the outermost coil. If that's acceptable..." she let her voice trail off into silence.

"It will be perfect. My thanks, stationmaster." She wouldn't add anything. She had understood at once, and she wouldn't breach a subject she knew to be either too difficult or too private to be discussed with outsiders. Just as I was about to end the communication, she said in an afterthought:

"It would be a pleasure to drink with you once you come on station--if you have a bit of time to spare, Sa' Morgenstern."

An invitation from Achernar's powerful stationmaster--I smiled. "I'll be honored to spend some time with you, stationmaster." With that, I shut down the channel and focused on Griffin's in-system drop.

It went quickly. There was a lot of incoming traffic, but somehow Merchanter ships and Miners kept to secondary pathways, condemned to crawl down Achernar's gravity well. Had I opened channels, I might have found out the why of this weird situation, but I wasn't interested in station chatter.

I wanted to come at dock as swiftly as possible, deliver my cargo and load other goods before leaving as soon as station crew were done sealing Griffin's holds. I wanted to fly, to ride the Deep's currents and sink into its infinity and timelessness. Still, I had to stop by stations and Out Fall every now and then. It was necessary--necessary to check on the Outer Colonies worlds, the places where trade had come to a virtual stop because there were no lockgates there and Azure Traverse pilots had vanished from the skies. I had been amazed to realize that, until now, all the places I had visited had fared rather well in our absence.

So much for our being essential in the order of things.

Laughter, harsh and bitter resounded on Griffin's bridge, and I stifled it with a hiss. The jumpship had stopped lurching a few minutes ago, like a dancer having had to grope his way through before finding his marks again. Clangs were echoing from all sides as docking crews finished securing Griffin at its berth. Just as I checked the controls, the main system's display refreshed its content to tell me that mooring was complete and the airlock ready to be unsealed.

I made my way to ops and the stationmaster's office in hurried steps, crossing through the main market without ever stopping. People paused to gawk at me, pointing to the emerald dangling from the golden thread intertwined with my braid. Ignoring them, the disbelief and weary joy in their eyes, I walked on. Siel had given me back the emerald on the day of my departure. He had done so unexpectedly, without a word of explanation. Why he had kept it during months, how he had gained possession of it and how he had known its meaning and importance--didn't matter. He had laid the jewel in the palms of my hands, and then he had walked away.

Gone.

Swallowed by the shadows of the small temple that was his home, the House of Pisces.

Silent.

Distant.

That way was better, deep inside I was aware of it. He hadn't severed himself from me, but he had gone away. Eventually the bond between us would fade, and I would be free--alone. It was a gift, but one I didn't want--one I had no choice but to accept. No matter how Shane's words had hurt, I had known in the moment he had uttered them that he was right. The Sanctuary wasn't, couldn't be home.

Ever.

This was home: Achernar, Eden, the Hyades Cluster, threshold, Edge and swift in-system drops, In Diving and Out Falling and sailing the Deep. The Sanctuary was land and rocks and an ancient stronghold of things alien to me--utterly alien and hostile. There could only be a wary truce between that place and the yearning for the Deep that was at the core of my being. I could only be tolerated there for a while, no more. As Shane had told me, I didn't belong, and it had been high time for sense to be kicked into me.

But I had left them all behind. Fi and Muir and others would learn, I was certain of that. No matter how long it would take, months, years even, they'd find their way back to the stars and the Deep. But it would never be the same. Pegasus would never again plunge down the Deep's wildest streams at Griffin's side. Fi was gone, and I didn't know whether I'd ever muster the strength to see her again, much less sail the Deep with her and Muir. Fi was gone, and it hurt, like a severed limb kept hurting years after it had been removed from the body, as Shane had told me. And beside that pain was another ache, one woven with my heart and soul, one that haunted me like the yearning for the Deep, and more.

At last, I came to the stationmaster's office, and sent the gloomy thoughts back where they belonged, to the shadows and cobwebs of my soul.

A courteous host, Nakamura Tomoko led me to a second room that looked more like it belonged to the ancient tradition of the Nakamura clan than to a stationmaster. There was wood here, in the form of two small bowls set on a low table. She bade me sit and I imitated her, folding my legs under me and kneeling, setting my weight on the back of my ankles and my heels in a rather awkward position--well, only awkward for me who wasn't used to it, judging by the ease with which she sat. She took some time to fuss over the two wooden bowls before eventually handing me one. I took it and sniffed Orange Pekoe tea from the tendrils of steam rising from the bowl. For a time there was silence, interrupted by delicate sips as we drank with care from our weirdly shaped cups.

"I hope the in-drop went smoothly," she said at last, looking at me from above the bowl she kept at the level of her mouth.

"Indeed," I nodded at her, "the inbound traffic was..." I groped for a word, then shrugged, "more than fluid."

A smile tugged at Nakamura Tomoko's lips. "Azure Traverse jumpships enjoy alpha priority privilege, be it for approach, docking or undocking. We haven't forgotten, and even the Merchanters yielded with good grace when we warned them of Griffin's imminent Out Fall."

I raised an eyebrow at that. "Did they?" I asked in an absentminded voice, falling into the old game with ease, like one who finds old shoes one had thought forever lost. It was good, it felt good, incredibly so. It made hanging on to one's inner balance less hard, less painful, to know that some things never changed.

A flame danced in the bright gaze of Achernar's stationmaster, and she snorted. "These have been difficult times." Then, sobering, she added in a quiet whisper, "For a while, only Graad Foundation-sponsored ships reached us through the jumpgate. Then one day ships Out Fell at the system's fringe--jumpships that were no jumpships," she hissed softly. "In that moment, we understood many things, and we bore with it when Inner Colonies traders raised their prices and jumpgate passage fees doubled. We waited for better days." She heaved out a small sigh. "I'm glad to see that our choice was correct, that we were right to hope they would come."

During a long, long time I stared at her. She wouldn't say more, she wouldn't ask, but Nakamura Tomoko had realized what was happening--as must have many others in the Outer Colonies. "Yes," I nodded at her, "even though it may be a long time until Azure Traverse's fleet is truly restored, you were right."

Right to have waited.

Right to have weathered the storm instead of rising against it, fighting it and be destroyed. It had been there, in her careful choice of words. The Inner Colonies and Earth would never know it, but they had been on the brink of war--terrible war between Inner and Outer Colonies, with the Mid-Range worlds hovering between sides.

A bloodbath.

"I'm grateful you decided so," I bowed before her.

A short burst of laughter escaped Nakamura Tomoko. "Sa' Morgenstern, we know Azure Traverse, and we remember the nature of the bond between us, even though it dates back to the time when our ancestors severed all ties with Earth and chose space. Chose the Deep and," she finished softly, "the sea."

In a slow motion, I looked up at her.

The sea.

Was it true, then? Was all of it true?

Warring gods.

Athena and Poseidon-- "There aren't many of us who still do," Achernar's stationmaster shrugged. "Only the oldest clans. The knowledge is passed down from clan head to clan head. In other times, when there were more of us, we would have moved. But we waited. We had cause for hope. Had it not been so--" she made a small wave with her left hand, as if to discard some trivial matter, then she smiled again. "I expect you found a much warmer welcome than you expected in many places, even the Mid-Range worlds?"

"Yes," I smiled back at her, "they were unusually accommodating."

A warm chuckle escaped Nakamura Tomoko. "No muttered curses and no adamant complains about jumpships that endanger traffic and disrupt all normal trade." She gave a single shake of her head. "It must have been a welcome change." Then, with a wiping gesture of the left hand, she added, "They felt the pressure of Earth and the need for the jumpships, all they way to the Hyades Cluster and beyond."

Silence followed her words for a time while we took careful sips of our steam-hot tea. When she set her empty bowl down on the low table, she bowed low. "Sa' Morgenstern, I have a request for you, from the Takeda clan." She waited for me to nod, and then went on, "During the jumpships' absence, we stored goods on station, transparent crystals of sulfur and silk gathered from the falls of Amethyst. We gathered them even though the orders coming from Earth forced the human crew to abandon Shore, and forced us to erase it from the stellar maps--those that the authorities managed to get their hands on, anyway."

Putting my own bowl down, I smirked, and then bobbed my head in ascent. "I'll take them to Shore, if that's the Takeda clan's wish," I told her.

"It is." For a moment, she stared down at her bowl, then she looked up at me. A shadow had darkened her gaze. "Sa' Morgenstern, you must be careful." In low, subdued tones, she whispered, "We've heard from some Miner families who exploit the most remote worlds that strange sightings have been reported along the border of human space. Ripplings of light in the darkness, mirages flickering in the emptiness between stellar systems..." she looked away, and left her sentence go unfinished.

The Dwellers.

Curious or impatient, or simply whimsical.

They had made their presence known, they had touched human space even though they had always avoided to do so--but human beings had abandoned Shore, and no jumpship had docked there during months.

Mere seconds or eternity, depending on the Dwellers' mood.

"It'll be all right," I smiled at Nakamura Tomoko. Most likely it would be. They'd get back to playing games with the pilots who dared dock at Shore and go through the Curtain separating the human section from Shore's alien heart. They'd go back to exuding incomprehensible philosophical thoughts.

And maybe they'd answer some questions.

In the darkening sky, the stars twinkled into being. Virgo Dominique smiled at bright Vega which flanked the Cygnus constellation, at blinding, blazing Sirius, at Capella and Deneb and Regulus. No longer limited to being the source of power the Saints of Athena reached out to, they had become home to humanity. It was the normal course of events, and it would continue being so.

The stars that shined in the night were the same as thousands of years ago, almost. Some had been born and others had died, great fires dwindling into embers and then grey ashes, or bursting apart in titanic explosions that inflamed the heavens. They all followed their immutable, foreordained course, bound by the laws of universal gravity. Steady, predictable. Safe from the madness and chaos waiting beyond the Wall of Planck, where Time became imaginary and served to measure space--where matter wavered, and Time flickered between real and imaginary, endlessly.

Yes, the stars were free from that insanity, and so nothing could move them, except when their courses set them to collide, and when nobody acted to prevent the tragedy from happening. This, Dominique had done, watching, weighing, but never moving. It had been the only way to save the Sanctuary. Brennan had frozen it, two centuries ago, and he would never have allowed things to change. It would have meant endangering humankind, or so he had thought, unable to see that, on the opposite, it simply meant allowing it to grow, to evolve and reach out.

Space and the stars belonged to humanity as much as Earth did, stardust that they all were--Land and Sea. But Brennan had refused to acknowledge that, Brennan had forced a withering balance, a frozen status-quo that would have caused humankind's eventual fall. There had been nothing else to do but to allow that balance to be broken.

No matter the price.

Brennan had paid for his poor, despaired folly, and Shane, and Siel, and many innocent people--and the bright, dangerous fire named Loki Morgenstern. To let him live, to let him traverse the House of Virgo had been a dangerous gambit--one that Virgo Dominique had won. Now things were moving again, and a new balance would be restored.

Athena was gone.

So was Poseidon.

The stars had collided in blinding bursts of light. Dominique had observed the dreadful event--much, much more terrifying than when galaxies clashed. For, in that moment, the two burning hearts touched, and their scorching fires brought about the only thing that could whip Fate aside.

The Wall of Planck was breached.

Seconds became lightyears.

Nadir became the past while parsecs lasted no longer than a minute.

Imaginary Time drowned real Time, and from that insane chaos blossomed new choices and new possibilities--a dreadful prospect, for nobody could foresee what they would turn out to be.

There would be no other representative for the Goddess. Shane had broken the throne in the temple of Athena. Dominique smiled in remembrance. The young man had brought a revolution to their ages-old, traditionalist order.

There would be a council.

They would vote.

They would mingle with the humanity they were sworn to protect.

There was a light missing along the great Stairs, but that was good also. Now that the stars were again free to follow their natural course, Virgo Dominique would be free from having to keep her gaze set on this material plane. There were others she had much rather observe.

Others, where arrows of metals sometimes cleaved a glistening flow of darkness.

An old, old karoupia tree was floating in the air before me, dancing a slow, lazy waltz. Its leaves were rustling with an insubstantial breeze, as if inviting me to join the dance. For a time I watched it in silence, unable to suppress the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, and I wondered at the Dwellers' crazy whims. They must have picked up the image from my mind, and the result was--

The waves washed you on this shore, the ethereal whisper spread inside my mind like a dry wind. It was impossible to know whether it had come from one of them or all of them. I could neither hear them, nor see them. They could have been mere figments of my imagination, except for the very much real goods we traded with them. The currents wanted to pause and be still on the other side, but you didn't let them. Had the Dwellers been people, I'd have sworn they were berating me like a kid.

And They were meddling with what wasn't their business.

"No," I replied out loud, which made the illusion of a karoupia tree flicker before my eyes, "I didn't." The Dwellers didn't like the sound of human voices, even though I knew for a fact that they enjoyed some form of music. But here, they got what they deserved, and I hoped it would send the Dweller equivalent of teeth grating in frustration.

I hadn't stopped long at Achernar, that was what had gotten their attention. How they had known of it was anybody's guess. It was true that in the past all Azure Traverse pilots had always relished spending a shore leave there, in that place which was almost home, where people understood us and loved us. But now--no. No longer. The need was there, the strong, strong urge to stop at the Kallokeri and drown the pull of the Deep upon my soul in the arms of the sons of the Takeda and Nakamura clans. It was there, but it tore at me, like rends in my heart. The thought of stopping for a shore leave at the Kallokeri had made me giddy with a sickening mixture of yearning and revulsion. I could cope with the Deep's relentless call, I could master it--I could sail its flow alone. It was what Shane's lessons had been aiming at all along, and it worked. So I had stopped at Achernar, just long enough to renew supplies, unload and load cargo, and to talk to Nakamura Tomoko. Then I had left the station and In Dived again.

And that was none of the Dwellers' concern.

Fuck the capricious, raving mad aliens.

"I had cargo to deliver here," I added, which disturbed even more the image of the karoupia tree.

Upon docking, I had found all the essential automatic systems of Shore's human section still active. They had allowed me to moor Griffin at its berth rather easily. I had thought I'd have to wait onboard, time for life support systems to recreate a viable atmosphere station-side, but that hadn't been necessary. The environment had never ceased to be maintained on Shore, as if someone had left that final command in the station's computers upon leaving dock.

There is cargo. Always. The thought was a sigh, and of course it didn't make sense. Unable to help myself, I grinned at the dancing karoupia tree.

"I have a question for you," I told the illusion in a quiet voice. "You know the Deep, far better than I do. I--" Drawing in a breath, I denied the memories of dead, black waters as I said, "On a distant world, beneath an atmosphere thick enough to sustain life, I found things that felt like the Deep. Oceans, and another--"

The karoupia tree vanished.

Shadow! it hissed inside my mind. Remains of a shed skin. I blinked, unable to fathom the meaning of that. Were they referring to the sea?

Ghost.

My heart skipped a beat, and I felt a snarl distorting my lips. The Dwellers knew! They knew of the horrible darkness under Cape Sounio!

Ripples traversed the empty room, irised currents of many colors.

Dark, and shed. Discarded. All of a sudden, the illusion of waves came lapping at my feet. Flow is of the Deep. Waves. Tides. A wall of transparent, unreal water enfolded me, like a second skin. You, it murmured inside my mind, are of the Deep. You belong to the currents. They know. It knows.

I reeled back, and wished I could find something to support me. It was crazy, what the Dwellers had said--hinted at. Dragging in a breath, I confronted the empty air in front of me. "Do you mean that the god named Poseidon is the Deep?"

All around me, the cloak of unreal water rippled, and then collapsed in puddles around my feet. Ghost. Shed darkness. Discarded dissonance in the flow. The Deep is flow and motion. Infinite. Unending. Unbeginning. There is neither Time, nor Place.

So it was true, this wild tale of gods, but it was more complex, far more complex than two godlike figures fighting wars like enemies. And they weren't gone, not really.

They were everywhere still.

They would always be.

You, it repeated, are of the Deep.

"I know," I replied in a barely audible whisper.

We have cargo. The karoupia tree had reappeared before me, and again it had started its absurd, slow waltz in the air. For you. Cargo you must transport. The thought was filled with something I'd have sworn to be smug satisfaction, had the Dwellers been capable of feeling human emotions. It waits beyond the Veil.

"I'll go then, and take care of it." I gave a slight bow at the waltzing karoupia tree, whose dark green leaves seemed to rustle in answer. The Dwellers had cargo, but of course they hadn't seen fit to tell me where it should be delivered. If I was lucky, I'd find the information on the cargo itself. Otherwise, I'd stop at Achernar again and check with the Takeda clan. If all else failed, I'd be stuck carrying it around until the Dwellers finally decided it should actually go somewhere. With a fatalistic sigh, I parted the Curtain.

Waves rushing at me.

Waters enfolding.

Currents gently pulling at me, drawing me in their midst.

In their heart, a luminous shadow.

Warmth.

I rubbed at my eyes as I stepped into Shore's human section, but the shadow didn't vanish. It stood there, ten steps away from me. Tall and lean.

Beautiful.

I stared at the shadow's long black hair. I stared into its clear blue eyes, and spat a vile curse. "Fuck the Dwellers and their whims!" This latest joke of theirs--warmth.

"A whim," the shadow mused, "really?" Then it moved, and stepped toward me. "I thought they had agreed to refer to me as cargo."

"Gods!" I sucked in a breath, looking at him with very wide eyes. "Siel." My vision wavered, and I broke into a run. "Siel!" I flung myself in his arms and he caught me, whistanding the assault with ease. Lifting me from the floor, he twirled us around and pressed me against him. "You came," I whispered huskily when he set me on my feet. "Oh gods, you came all this way, you--"

Tightening his embrace, he crushed me against him. "I'd go beyond the gate of despair, beyond the realm of Hades himself," he growled gently, softly. Tears spilled from my eyes and I felt my body shaking against his. "Shane stepped down from the throne of Athena's representative," he murmured, holding me close. "Sweet Goddess, he broke the thing! But the last command he gave before relinquishing his authority to the council was to send one of us to the stars, to go where humanity goes and sail the sea of drifting night at its side."

And he had come--come to me. I hugged him tight and closed my eyes. "How?" I asked him, stifling the sobs crowding my throat. "How did you find this place?"

"I didn't need to," he shrugged the question aside. "I only needed to find you. Then Shane and Dominique gave me a hand."

It wasn't possible. Shore was too far away, hovering at the rim of known space, and only Azure Traverse jumpships could reach it--but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but Siel. "Griffin wasn't designed to accommodate passengers," I told him, babbling like a fool. "There's only one bunk, and even though it's wide and comfortable enough--"

He kissed me full on the mouth, and I dug my fingers in his silky soft hair, clutching it and pulling at it in not quite controlled tugs. In my back, his hands kneaded the muscles along my spine and my shoulderblades while around us, currents swirled in lazy spirals and enfolded us, cloaked us--pressed our bodies against each other even further. I was of the Deep and he was of the Stars, and the currents brought us together.

Wave to wind.

Soul to soul.

When he broke the kiss, I gasped for air, and he laughed. "Breathe," he nuzzled at my neck and the hollow of my shoulder, tender, and I shivered in his arms. "Breathe, I can't have you die until I've had my way with you many, many times."

"I love you," I whispered in his ear. "I love you, Siel." I wanted to let the currents sweep me away, to close my eyes and hold him forever, to wrap my legs around his waist, to capture the whole of him and melt into him.

"And I love you, Loki. From the moments we shared at the Aegean, I've loved you." He kissed away my tears, and then touched his brow to mine. "Let's wait for things to get intense until we're back into your Griffin and out of these docks. I fear this place's inhabitants are rather curious, and I seem to remember you prefer privacy when making love."

"That, I do," I blushed, unable to suppress the stupid reflex, and he laid a light, soft kiss on my lips.

"Let's go then," Siel grinned at me, the wolfish, ravenous expression on his face belied by the tenderness and the gentle flames lighting that usually remote gaze of his, and he steered me away. Drunk with the feeling of him, I wobbled and would have fallen but for his steadying hand on my right hip. With a barely audible sigh, I leaned against him with my whole weight, breathing in the scent of him, eyes closed, and he chuckled. "What now? Should I sweep you up in my arms and bear you away to our nuptial bunk?"

Like a newly wed bride on Thalassa, a custom the people there must have brought all the way from Earth. Wondering if he'd look cute with a lovebite on his collarbone, I deposited a featherlight kiss there, and smiled. "Yeah," I looked him in the eye, "you should."

And of course, he proceeded to do so on the spot.

Beyond the Veil separating the human section of shore from its true heart, the image of an old karoupia tree shimmered, and its thick canopy of leaves rustled with an unreal wind that felt more like a very, very frustrated sigh.

End.

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